the end

One year ago I completed the 2 year co-hort of my masters program and proceeded on to the final year of advanced classes. I took this picture on the day I completed my cohort:

I thought it would be cool to take this same picture on the day I graduated one year later:

Funny how a year can mean so much more than you ever anticipated! For example, I was not expecting to be 8 months pregnant in this picture!

It is always a weird feeling to be at the end of anything. There is the strange emotional mix of excitement, disbelief, fear and even grief. We are very adaptable and resilient creatures of habit. Kevin has been reminding me of how at the beginning of this 3 year journey I was often in a state of tearful stress and would say to him that I didn't think I could do this program. Over time I adapted to the demands of school and now can't hardly imagine life without class and internship. What has become a familiar routine is now over and a new journey is beginning. Interestingly, I find myself with many of the same fears and hesitancies that I felt at the beginning of this previous journey, as well as many others throughout my life as they have started.

One of my favorite chapters in the bible is Isaiah 41. An insert I have read many times says:

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you.
I said, ‘You are my servant’;
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, "Do not fear;
    I will help you." 

That last portion is especially powerful to me- perhaps I have said this here before, but when I read Isaiah 41:13 I am transfixed on the imagery of the God of the universe, who is all powerful and who created everything, looking deep into my eyes with an incomprehensible depth of love for me and with an empathetic gaze gently taking my weak hand into his strong protective hand and saying to me "Do not fear, I will help you." 
Amazing. The God of the universe having an interaction like that with me?? Having that level of love and concern and compassion for me?? How could I then be afraid. And yet- I still am. This season of transition is certainly one which is challenging my faith in asking if I do in fact have faith in my God. Do I really believe he is going to help me? Do I really believe he is in control? Do I really believe he loves me? He has always always always provided all I have ever needed- His grace has always always always been more then enough for me- so why do I fear that this time will be different. 

I feel so much like Peter when he walked on water toward Jesus. When he took his eyes off Jesus and became increasingly aware of the storm around him, as you may know, he began to sink. This summer feels like I am stepping out of the boat in an effort to obediently follow Jesus. When I think about everything surrounding that decision, I feel so overwhelmed with an array of emotions that "sinking" is perhaps the most acute way to describe how I feel. But when I look to Jesus and remember his faithfulness and his love, I feel empowered by his grace and peace to take another step toward him and his direction. 

Someone once told me that a sacrifice is not a sacrifice unless it costs you something. In this step of faith and obedience, it seems as though the cost has never been higher and the sacrifice never more painful. 

Maybe I have been living comfortably and have forgotten what it means to have an active radical faith- one that keeps you out of your comfort zone and daily demands reliance on God. Maybe I have been too focused on what I want and desire, rather than living with my eyes and heart fixed on eternity rather than today. 
I think Satan's most effective tool is distraction. Eternally most of my fears are insignificant- they are only fears of this life and of this world. Perhaps if I were to be afraid my fear should be of complacency and the daily pursuit of comfort.  

So to climb out of the well of deep thought...

 ...here are 2 more pictures from graduation- the first must be included because this journey required so much from my beloved husband (he was as relieved I was done as I was!) and without his support I am sure I would not have reached the end of this. I may never fully appreciate all he suffered through so that I could achieve this degree. And second is my beloved baby girl- she has given us so much joy and excitement over the last several months! I just love my little baby so much :)   

35 weeks!

 

I don't think this blog is viewed by many- but to anyone who has offered support and encouragement to me through the challenging moments of the last 3 years- thank you. thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart! I do not take for granted your role in helping me finish this race.

the other side of the camera

So this past week the amazing and super talented Amy (see blog here) took maternity for me and Kevin and baby. I knew she would do great- but I could not be more happy with these pictures!! They are exactly what I was hoping for. I keep looking at these pictures again and again- it is so weird to be on the other side of the camera! So I will share a few of my favorites...

 So thankful that the man I married has only grown in the things that made me fall in love with him- I hope I never take for granite having a very physically and emotionally affectionate husband.

all things baby

Since my last several posts have been heavy and pictureless- here is a lighter picture filled post :o)

Here is baby-

21 weeks

23 weeks

25 weeks

28 weeks

30 weeks

32 weeks

The funny thing is I remember taking this picture and thinking I was SO big! (13 weeks)

So with about 8 or so weeks left till baby girl arrives and 2 weeks left till graduation- I have been compiling things I want to make for baby.
I found this amazing wreath on pinterest- imagine adding "Its a Girl" across the middle (!)

I've also been thinking a lot about her newborn pictures (which there will be so many of!) and some hats that I'd like to get or make...

And headbands....

And lastly- like every other creative person I draw inspiration from the amazing work of others: newborn shots that I love and inspire me...

love the colors....

everything about this picture is great...except maybe the hat...

I love the lace!

All the pictures (with exception of the ones of myself of course) are found on www.pinterest.com.
(I didn't site each one cause it would require re-finding them)

Next project is to search out a mobile to make, and perhaps make it (so much to make!!) Then I will be close to blogging baby's room (which is almost done!!)

What fun these next few weeks will be... :o)

journey

So posting in this blog only once every month or two really makes time feel like it has flown by! My student status officially ends in 2 weeks and I will hopefully pick up the pace with blog posts (for all who are interested and for my own enjoyment!)


Reflecting on this past year it seems as though many seasons are soon coming to an end and  new chapters are about to be written. To name a few- baby girl will be here in about 8 weeks or so! And in just over 2 weeks I will complete my masters degree. Summer has always been a time of pause and restart for me- mostly because of my long standing "student status". Transitions are always an interesting time in life that it seems God really takes advantage of to teach us to rely more heavily on him.

I can't say that this season of change hasn't presented some great challenges- but in the midst of struggle I heard a message preached that really shaped my thinking. Billy Huddleston (website) recently spoke at my church about the Psalm 37 highlighting verse 4. There is SO MUCH in this psalm that is just remarkable and life giving (read it here), but his message on verse 4 really spoke to where I was sitting that night.

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 

I have heard and quoted this verse for years. My theological understanding was that God knows the desires of our hearts and either fulfills them or removes them. Of course scripture does not say that- but logically it made sense. So that is what I believed. But really what is being said is far from that.

To summarize a more lengthy message that he preached, here is what he said: the two key words here are delight and desire. To understand the passage, we have to understand these two words.

Billy used the ipad dictionary app as a simple definition resource. Here is how it defines delight and desire.

Delight
1. A high degree of pleasure or enjoyment
2. To take great pleasure
3. To gain satisfaction from   

Desire
1. An expressed wish
2. A longing or craving
3. That which satisfies

Replacing these two words with their definition is really eye opening, but the pairing that really challenged my original understanding of the passage was the last two definitions:

Gain satisfaction from the LORD and he will give you that which satisfies.

In addition Billy said that to make "desire" plural is a poor translation. He suggests that in the original Hebrew text "desire" is not plural, but singular and could more specifically be translated as that which you want most.

So in my journey I realized that what I have desired most are things that do not satisfy and yet I have expected God to give me those desires because I have sought him and have followed him. But the message here is not "follow me and I'll grant your wishes", rather it is (to paraphrase) "Find your joy in me and I will be enough for you"

hunger games

Recently I was thinking that I, being a very negligent blogger, ought to get some sort of blog post together or else March will be completely without a post! Realizing it has been since my initial baby post that I have made any further update- I thought perhaps I would post on that. But then my husband and I went to see the movie "Hunger Games" and I have found the need for a forum in which to fully tell of my experience with this movie.

No, I have not read the books. Therefore I have nothing negative or positive to say about them. I actually was not planning to see the movie, but my husband really wanted to see it (he also has not read the books). Literally every person I have heard talk about the books have said they are great and impossible to put down, and those who saw the movie loved it and many have even gone to see it multiple times.

In its first week the movie grossed $189 Million dollars source (A total of $152.3 Million of that was grossed over the first weekend of its release source). This means that "Hunger Games" grossed more in its first week than did "Twilight Saga".  Over this weekend, the movie is projected to collect yet another $60 Million, and project to hit $260 Million as its 10 day total source. Since the movie *only* cost $85 Million to make, the profits have already been substantial to date.  It should be noted: "Hunger Games" now holds the record of the 3rd best movie opening of all time. source

Based on this information- as well as the high recommendations from others who had seen the movie (many of them multiple times already), we decided to see the film.

Leaving the theater my husband and I both felt shocked and disturbed.


But I want to make a clear separation before continuing: the message of "Hunger Games" is in fact disturbing- and it should be. It is a powerful message that provides a great opportunity to start relevant and needed conversations about the state of our own society/culture here in the US. I have read reviews of the actual books that indicate that they are equally as violent as the movie and I would even agree that in many ways describing such violence is necessary to communicate the absolute barbaric and violent nature of the games.

I have read equally disturbing accounts of actual world events that shook me to the core- violence like this actually happens in our world today and in some cases it is for the purpose of twisted entertainment. And so again- I have nothing negative to say about the books, and the message is very relevant and powerful, should we choose to do something with it. 

OK: the movie.
Here is the problem with the movie-

We have gone so far with violence in our media to gain revenue, and while some may leave the movie appalled at what they saw, many more people will likely leave the movie feeling as though it was a great and entertaining film. It seems to me that it is portrayed by its rating as being a movie appropriate for a young audience- but if a young person walks out of the movie missing the message we have only continued in their numbing of violence and the sanctity of life- and it is nothing more than entertaining.

I do very strongly believe that movies such as this one glorify violence and distort the reality of death and violence for not only children and adolescents, but also adults. I very strongly believe that as a culture we are suffering the outcomes of media (violent and otherwise) holding such a strong influence in our lives seen in ways such as domestic violence, human trafficking, bullying, crime, body image distortion, eating disorders, relationship dysfunction, compromised morals, suicide, self harm, feeling in a constant state of "need"/want, any imaginable form of disrespect shown to another human being, and many more. No, media is not the only contributor to all of these things. But we are blind to not see its overwhelming influence. Media is the primary norm setter in our culture.

The most ignorant thing I have ever heard a person say (and I have heard countless people say this) is that "media doesn't affect me". 
The reality is it does. The danger is when we don't recognize that. We are constant consumers of media every day. It is nearly unavoidable. Media, in fact, is such a strong and constant presence in our lives that we have to take a hard look at how media is shaping our culture and our beliefs. Because it undoubtedly is. 

"Hunger Games" received a rating of PG-13. This then suggests that our greater society believes this is an appropriate movie to be viewed by a 13 year old without adult supervision or involvement. Suppose the rating would have been R, it would not have restricted those under 17 to view the movie, but rather it would have required them to be with an adult. But even an "R" rating would not resolve the problem as we all know that teens often find young adults to help them with age restricted activities. 

But as it is, there are many young teens seeing this movie which contains a very mature message and very graphic violent images.

I personally was so disturbed I was quite shaken to the core, as was my husband. In my opinion, this is a good response to the movie. Why? Because the message is disturbing, so why wouldn't the visual depiction of it being equally if not more disturbing than the literature depiction? 
I wish I hadn't seen it. But now that I have, I am responsible for what I do with it. Because if I do nothing- then what purpose other than entertainment does my seeing this movie have? 

Ok here is the stretch- but please let this simmer and know I also see that these things are different, but also strikingly similar...
In the movie "Hunger Games" the general premise of the story is that there is a group of people who live in a place of excess in every way (the capital)- the movie does well to depict their obsessions with self and their indulgences of luxary. Surrounding the capital are districts where people are in complete poverty. In these districts 2 people ages 12-18 are selected every year to compete in the "Hunger Games" where they must kill the other 23 people in order to survive. These games are made a huge entertainment event for those in the capital, and even those in the districts will watch the games (perhaps with a bit more vested interest) Kinda similar to the Olympics. The broadcasting of these games is done much like reality TV today- it is all about getting the best ratings and having the best story. The entertainment of the people in the capital is at the expense of young lives, and there is no remorse. 

With that in mind- are there ways that we in the US are doing a similar thing? The images portrayed in violent movies are a reality for many people in the world. What we are seeing on the screen is actually happening today. Are we so isolated in our comfort and excess that we have become numb to this reality much like those living in the capital? We can be certain that we live in the same excess and self indulgence as those in the "capital", are we beginning to also loose sight of those in the "districts" around us? Does the pain and loss of others feel so far removed from ourselves that we have denied its existence? And how different is it for those in the capital to watch a screen of people killing one another for pleasure and entertainment, and us today watching a screen that while it is not the actual violence, it is representative of actual violence in our world. 

What if we asked ourselves this question: Which is more offensive- to watch people die for our pleasure, or to simulate people dying and dismiss it as fiction when it is not? 

I'm not begging an answer of that question, but we need to think about just how different those two things are. 

You may ask, "Chelsie, why get all upset about watching a movie?". Well for one, the movie was upsetting. But what really is upsetting is that, based on the numbers, there will be millions of people going to see this movie and how many of them will leave upset and disturbed verses how many will leave believing this is "only a movie".  
What more do we have to do in our media to disturb and upset people if this doesn't do it? Now tell me we are not numbing ourselves to the reality of violence. Its a scary road. 


I know my opinion here will be among a great minority. And for whatever reason, people have very strong positive opinions about the movie and the books. I am glad so many people have read these books- I am scared to see what little lasting affect results from it. 

A question I have struggled with and will likely never have a satisfying answer to, is why people are defending violence in media? If there is even the possibility of the extreme negative consequences of exposing our children to these images and messages- then what exactly is worth defending at that potential cost?? Again we find ourselves far more concerned about our own pleasure and entertainment. Just because something isn't wrong, doesn't mean it is wise.


Call it an overreaction. But please don't neglect to really consider the message of "Hunger Games" and the application.
 











   

shaken

^{My heart is overwhelmed. 
As a counselor I am often helping others deal with stress, anxiety, fear and anger...and yet as I feel these things so deeply I cannot do anything but sit in them. I have been shaken to the core and am grieving the many losses that result from my circumstance. And so all I know to do is to turn back to my Lord and ask "why". I am so glad is big and mighty and can handle my questions and my pain. 
I am certain everyone who has lived has experienced pain and my words are not falling on unknowing ears. I find myself desperately wanting to believe the words of Psalm 27. Lined with reassurance, pain, grief, fear, hope, peace and desperation; here are the words of David:}

^{Psalm 27}

¹ The LORD is my light and my salvation—
   whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
   of whom shall I be afraid?

 ² When the wicked advance against me
   to devour me,
it is my enemies and my foes
   who will stumble and fall.
³ Though an army besiege me,
   my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
   even then I will be confident.

 ⁴ One thing I ask from the LORD,
   this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
   all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the LORD
   and to seek him in his temple.
⁵ For in the day of trouble
   he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent
   and set me high upon a rock.

 ⁶ Then my head will be exalted
   above the enemies who surround me;
at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy;
   I will sing and make music to the LORD.

 ⁷ Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
   be merciful to me and answer me.
⁸ My heart says of you, “Seek his face!”
   Your face, LORD, I will seek.
⁹ Do not hide your face from me,
   do not turn your servant away in anger;
   you have been my helper.
Do not reject me or forsake me,
   God my Savior.
¹⁰ Though my father and mother forsake me,
   the LORD will receive me.
¹¹ Teach me your way, LORD;
   lead me in a straight path
   because of my oppressors.
¹² Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
   for false witnesses rise up against me,
   spouting malicious accusations.

 ¹³ I remain confident of this:
   I will see the goodness of the LORD
   in the land of the living.
¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
   be strong and take heart
   and wait for the LORD. 

 

the cave

I feel encouraged that I am nearing the end of "The Great Organizational Challenge", but I am not quite there fully. So I will share some of my home decor and later detail the organizational solutions I have reached for our very small space. Also- the challenge has grown more challenging as we now make room for baby :o)
Anyhow- this is a corner of our bedroom. My husband calls the little nook where our bed is "the cave". The name really fits since we have such low ceilings in the bedroom and the black armor extends the wall alcove to create this cave-like nook where we sleep. It is very cozy and I happen to love it :o)

For our "headboard" I traced the top of a large cup with a pencil then painted over the stencil. The wall art is a poster taped to the back of an old window and our night stands are some of my photography props :o) Both lamps and the comforter are from ikea and the pillows are from a variety of clearance racks.

My jewelry window is one of my favorite completed projects. The window came from an antique store and was marked really low because it only had 2 glass panes remaining in it. The "S" hooks are from ikea along with the chair and little makeshift table (which is actually a part of our desk...) I love quilts and I have to point out this quilt was made by my great grandma Darbro.

 

So there you have it. I am sure there will be small update here and there, but I suppose it is silly to keep waiting until it is "done". As all creative people know, there will always be new inspiration that bring about new projects! And that is one of the little joys in life.